A friend emailed me Sunday to tell me a person was trying to get hold of me with an update about our daughter. I friended this person on Facebook, and she runs the foster home where my daughter is now. Yay internet!!
I spent Sunday evening in a glorious fog. She’s smiling! She’s growing! She’s healthy! She has gorgeous hair! She has so many teeth! She’s using her hands and fingers more dexterously than we thought! She’s eating solids! I have beautiful updated pictures! I have video! She’s receiving treatment for her clubfoot that we didn’t think she’d get for months! I can get pictures and updates regularly until we go to get her! It was a wonderful, emotional day. Then we got in bed. My brain starting spinning and wouldn’t stop. I realized she had been an additional two places (with two or more additional sets of parental figures) than I already knew about. She has been moved around so much. Every time she’s let herself love someone, then they were gone. She had two surgeries without a mommy or daddy or even a stable nanny to care for her. She must have been so scared to wake up in a hospital alone. In less than two years, she’s had more grief and loss than most of us experience in our entire lives. I am heartbroken for her. I am very, very worried for her. It was a long, emotional night.
The two people I shared my concerns with encouraged me with the Truth:
God can redeem this.
He loves her, too.
She hasn’t had a mommy, but she’s had the perfect Father.
He has a heart for orphans, too.
We have a God of restoration.
They are right. I know they are right. I’m so thankful to have people to whisper Truth to my scared mommy heart. This is so hard! So complex! So much joy mixed with so much grief – and this is just the beginning.