roller coaster

Today has been a roller coaster.

Our new family coordinator received our Dossier today.  Yay!  So exciting, and our DTE (“Dossier To Ethiopia,” which is how the wait list is organized at our agency) is projected to be October 25.  Which is great news – we have been hoping for October, and it looks like it will probably happen.

So, then I decided to do a little catching up on adoption-related reading and conference call recordings that I got behind on in the last few weeks/months of Dossier-mania.  Perhaps not the best idea for this week.

We’ve had a three-year wait in our head as worst-case-scenario all this time.  Now, due to several really complicated factors, three years is starting to look like best-case-scenario.  Some people in the online adoption community are even saying 5 years.

That literally takes my breath away.  My kids will be 13, 9, and 7 in roughly five years.  I want to cross my arms and stomp my feet and whine, “This was not what I wanted!”

But, really, what I wanted was to have another biological baby.  And, really, what I wanted was to adopt a very young infant.  And, really, what I wanted was to choose her name now and have it perfectly coordinate with my other daughter’s name and get lots of cute things embroidered to match.

And God already helped me let go of all of those things.  So now He’s asking me to let go of a time line.  He’s asking me to acknowledge that I never actually had any control over any of this in the first place.  And, that none of this is actually about me, anyway.

I’m working on it.  In the meantime, we’re hanging on for the ride.

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